Thoughts

One thing I really like about blogging is that it allows me to see how I've changed/not changed over time. I think I've mastered the art of stagnation, and even regression ;). I'm noticing a pattern in how I've been thinking lately, and it's a fairly negative one that I'd like to break. That's my late New Year's resolution, or I should say Life Resolution! It's something I'll have to work on every single day.

I read some verses this morning that opened my eyes a bit. I've read them before, but they spoke to me differently today...

When I was in high school my mom strongly suggested (ha!) that I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. It was a little cheesy, and I think maybe parts of that book stuck with me subconsciously and (strangely, now many years later) somehow influenced the tone of these notes I just took...so bear with me, laugh even! I did :P.

This is just a basic and simplified (half-asleep) interpretation of these very wise verses. Basically, what I wrote to help me understand the meat of the real text.

If you've got something to add (or your own version of the 7 Habits, with more or less than 7 actual habits ;), please feel free to share. I'd love to hear it!

From 1 Corinthians 9...

24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Running requires-

Pacing yourself: Realizing that Christ is your strength in the "race" but that you cannot exercise with what you do not have--and it takes time to develop strength and endurance to run long distances.

Training yourself: So that you are able to run long distances without tiring as easily as someone without training. This means, pushing yourself spiritually so that you are closer to God today than you were yesterday.

Staying hydrated: When you thirst, don't ignore it--seek God when you find yourself thirsting for other things to find satisfaction and fulfillment.

Health: Focus on being spiritually healthy. Choosing to be "healthy" is a daily thing. Exercise by memorizing scripture and understanding God's word. "Eat" the right things--take notice of your thoughts and how those thoughts are influenced by the things you take-in daily and what (or who) you surround yourself with (music, tv, movies, books, etc.) 2 Corinthians 10:5 and Philipians 4:8.

Don't take your eyes off the goal: Comparing yourself to other runners and/or seeking their approval will only slow you down. Focus on who you're running for and why you're running; don't run "aimlessly". Your goal is also to do better than you did yesterday. "Strike a blow to [your] body"--overcoming your own personal weaknesses with God's strength so that you can be an example to others, or "preach" by running a good race by the way you live.

Like pulling off a bandaid

Last night, as I was making my usual rounds on Facebook :D, I came across this article rather indirectly. A few of my friends recently became fans of the blog, so I was curious to find out why. I skimmed the post titles until that one stopped me in my tracks. Broken and child in the same sentence--I knew it was going to be a tear jerker but decided to read it anyway.

I've had a couple of conversations with different folks throughout my life about childhood. Their childhoods, my childhood--all very different, and yet pretty similar in some respects. All of us wanted acceptance and stability. Basic needs that are rarely met these days, or so it seems. And before the conversation with these folks comes to an end, I usually say the same thing: "Dysfunctional adults are just hurt children." It sounds like such a hopeless statement, like an excuse for the vicious cycles of abuse and unhappiness to continue, huh?

But it doesn't end there, or at least it doesn't have to.

I later stumbled upon this article. The need to appear perfect--I agree that's a disease many of us suffer from.

It seems that as hurt adults, we only have one characteristic that distinguishes us from the children we once were. What's that? We've learned how to keep our bandaids on permanently. Anger, depression, or knowing how to perfectly appear perfect replace Johnson and Johnson in our world of invisible emotional bandaids. When a bandaid's been on for this long, it really hurts to tear it off. It almost become a part of our identity. But healing can only happen when it comes off. When the raw wound is exposed, healing begins.

I don't know about anyone else, but I make excuses to leave the bandaid on. What if it gets worse, and I have an even bigger infection to deal with? What if others judge me? Let's say I admit to struggling with a need to appear perfect, and I admit my struggles, but I'm still criticized for those struggles. Then I'll want to put the bandaid back on. If anger is my bandaid, what will be my defense mechanism when I take it off, if I'm judged for revealing who I am?

I am aware that there is a healer who will not judge me. He sees the bandaids and the wounds beneath them. But I'm just beginning to understand that fully. I can't imagine taking off the bandages without being able to trust that healing will come, and that I will be accepted for who I am.

I understand that many can't or don't want to view God as their healer precisely because they feel he will judge them, or because, sadly, his supposed "followers" have judged them already. But this is the truth: God will not judge because he, above everyone, knows that the bandaid isn't you, and that the wound beneath the bandaid was inflicted by someone who was also hurting. It's encouraging to know that when God sees us, he acknowledges the wounds and bandages, but he also sees our potential.

Why? Because when he sees us, he sees perfection; a new creation. There is a reason for this: It was by Christ's wounds, the ones he received in love by those who could not love, that we are able to experience healing in the first place.

Fully comprehending that is a life long process. I still have my fair share of bandaids. Ironically, many of those have to do with not having a father in my life, but I would have many more had I not known my spiritual one.

Nothing fancy

It's late, but I feel like writing. Funny, sometimes I find that I actually think clearer when my eyes begin to get heavy.

I was just thinking about learning how to be. How to be? What does that mean? Read on...

When I first started college, I was always thinking about how to be. It seems that's the time we think about such things the most. I was excited because I was finally gonna get the chance to attend one school for four years! Growing up, I went to 13 different schools. Part of it was because I had a mom who liked to move from suburb to suburb (when we lived in Southern California), and the other part had to do with the fact that my step-dad was in the military. I always felt kind of like a little weed, to be honest. Despite being uprooted time and again, I always found a way to creep back up and not let the fact that I moved so much get the best of me. But, honestly, it was tough at times. I turned to writing and music for comfort. Yes, I was a dork and still am. It's something I actually like about myself now. It took awhile to get here.

The awkward phase definitely lasted a long time, mostly because I couldn't just be. Let's go back to the part where I talk about college. I remember the first week very well. My neighbor was locking her door the same time I was, so I decided to be friendly and start a conversation with her. We walked down the hall, got on the elevator together and then, before she got off the elevator, I suggested that we get breakfast some time. We eventually became friends, but she later told me that she thought I was a little weird because I was too friendly. I have to laugh when I think about it now, I think I was just overly excited. I wanted to hurry up and make friends because I'd finally be able to "keep them" for 4 years, and that was a long time for me.

But I have to admit, it was a bit out of character for me to be so bold. In high school I was somewhat introverted, at least to the outside world. I had my reasons, but I was stuck and it took me awhile to be able to move, emotionally speaking. I decided to be more outgoing in college, but it didn't last long. I eventually embraced the fact that I was more of an introvert than an extrovert. But to be honest, I now call myself an introverted extrovert. I really do enjoy being around people and talking, but I'm just hesitant to open up to certain folks. I had to learn how to read people at a young age because I didn't have time to make friends with those who weren't genuinely interested in a real friendship. I didn't learn that until after middle school, though.

Not worth keeping? What does that mean? I liked people who just were... themselves. Not trying. I admired them for that quality because it's what I didn't have. I couldn't just let go. Metaphorically speaking, I lived life with my shirt tucked in. I wanted to stop judging myself based on how I thought others viewed me. That's what kept me in my shell for so long, I was afraid of what people would think of me when I opened my mouth. What would they say if they found out that I actually liked to go to the library and borrow poetry books? What would they do if they found out that, instead of going out drinking, I was at home writing, painting or searching for another song to add to my never-ending playlist because I was music-obsessed (and why is that so bad anyway ;)?

I learned how to take a deep breath in college. I came to know God more and how that should define my worth more than an opinion or my own ideas. I found someone who loved me for me, someone who also went through a similar phase; he's now my husband :). Learning how to just be is not so hard, after all. The only thing standing in the way of myself and the feeling of acceptance is me, my own mind and negative thoughts. It's interesting, God says he is the great "I AM"; God defines ultimate peace. Learning how to be for us humans is an on-going process, we will never be God but we can strive to live the way he did. We can learn how to be in him because he already is, that's why he says "I [just] AM".

Peace

Building is

tearing down a foundation

made of the uneven ideas we've collected

to hold ourselves

up.

Falling down

to our knees, that is moving

forward.

Walking confidently, we trip.

I've walked so far, there are blisters on my soles.

A blister on my soul

growing smaller in the sun, my goal.

Permanent scars on my palms, not nails.

I arrived at the major crossroads

When I abandoned myself at the fork in the road,

Giving up the heaviest load.

The other day I was thinking about how much I used to like writing poetry. I still enjoy it, but now I only write a handful of poems a year. Writing used to be more of a cathartic experience for me, but I think I focused too much on the negative. These days I write when I feel thankful or grateful for the way things are, and the way I've been blessed.

Though it might not sound like it, this is a "happy" poem. I don't usually break down my poems, but feel it's a good idea to do it sometimes, so I'll do it now :).

To put it simply, this is a poem about God and growth. So many times we think we have all the answers. We get caught up in ideas and theories that don't offer us very much hope, when we really think about them. As a result, we develop a blind confidence that doesn't become evident to us until we're hurting. But it's when we cry out for help that we're strengthened. This is what the first stanza suggests.

I've done this many times, like the second stanza says. Scars? I definitely have those, I am human after all -- no godly nails on these palms (last line). The blister on my soul represents my weaknesses. The sun? The light, God. The only one who can strengthen even the weakest of souls.

The major crossroads? The cross and everything it represents. That's where I rest my heaviest burdens.

More thoughts on forgiveness

...forgive your brother from your heart.
Matthew 18:35

...you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.
2 Corinthians 2:7

I did not want to get out of bed this morning, and it's my own fault :). I lowered the AC to about 65 degrees last night. Even though it's a hot July here in Texas, I love falling asleep under a pile of blankets (about 3). How do I survive a brutal summer with that habit? I lower the temperature in the apartment considerably. But I lowered it too much last night. So instead of jumping out of bed this morning, I nestled further into my cocoon of blankets and came up with an action plan.

This is all I came up with, it isn't very impressive: Run to the thermostat when the AC stops, the break between the cold blasts, then jump back into bed for just a few more minutes (or until it no longer hurts to think about leaving the cozy cocoon).

You know what I realized? I hate to admit it, but that's kind of how I am when it comes to giving and accepting apologies.

Don't forgive until you're ready, that's what most folks will tell you. When the tables are turned, the world will say you don't have to apologize to anyone. That last one sounds pretty good (until the guilt sets in). At that point you can choose denial or acceptance. But I know I'd rather stay under the covers a little longer. Saying I apologize or I forgive you can feel as uncomfortable as crawling out of bed when the room is freezing cold. But the day will go on whether or not you choose to leave the cocoon you're struggling to get out of.

Forgiveness is the basis of Christianity, both giving and receiving it. I've often heard it said that true freedom comes with knowing Christ. Knowing him means acknowledging our weaknesses as human beings and asking for forgiveness on a daily basis. But the bible also says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ; we're not supposed to dwell on the times we've failed (Romans 8:1). So it's easy to see how we can know freedom when God forgives us. We're no longer in bondage to our guilt or sin and we can easily move forward. But how can we be free if we also do not forgive? This is the other part of the deal.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14

God calls us to forgive and, like all commandments, God has our best interest in mind when he tells us to do it. Lack of forgiveness alters our ability to make the right choices. For instance, take the cycle of abuse. Abusers usually come from abusive homes, and if they fail to acknowledge that abuse as sin, and also forgive their abusers, the cycle will inevitably continue. The abused abusers won't see anything wrong with the way they were treated, and they will treat others the same way. OR they will see something wrong with it, but they'll hold on to the resentment and that will interfere with all of their relationships.

I don't know everything, I am just a twenty something year old who is still trying to figure it out one prayer at a time. But I am sure of one thing, every day I have to remind myself that I've been called to forgive anyone who's ever wronged me. When I'm reminded of something ugly, I really have to make a conscious effort. I tell myself that I have already forgiven the person and I should not let their past actions interfere with my present life. I take lots of baby steps. Choosing to forgive was just the first one. Even that took a small miracle because I couldn't do it on my own; I still don't know anyone who's done it alone.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
Mark 11:25

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.

Colossians 3:13

What Counts

It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
Psalm 118:8

When I was a little girl, I always had something to say. My mom called it talking back; my teachers called it talking too much.

Whether I was in class, but I just couldn't wait to say something to my friend sitting behind me (which eventually led to a Needs Improvement on my progress report because of how often it happened :P), or I was sitting around the dinner table and my mom would request that I please stop rambling so she could get a word in, I was (am) a motor mouth. My grandfather just laughed about it and told me to become a newscaster :).

Every once in awhile, I would actually say something worthwhile. For instance, one Sunday morning in 4th grade, my mom and I were getting ready for church. I hated wearing dresses; I despised looking too girly (but at the same time, I still had a million and one dolls in my room, go figure). My mom asked me to please dress nicely for church, and I was feeling rather smart that morning (sarcasm) and decided to "talk back" and give her the following response:

But doesn't God not care what we look like on the outside, isn't it what's on the inside that counts the most?

My mom's response? Well, for once she actually didn't reprimand me for "talking back"; I was rather taken back by that, actually. She simply responded with a...

Yes!

Needless to say, that day I got to wear shorts and a t-shirt to church, which was pretty much what I wore every day growing up in sunny Los Angeles until that age. I was convinced that God had pardoned me for talking back, at least this one time :).

Years later, I eventually became a bible study leader in college precisely because I talked so much. I asked a lot of questions, but some of them weren't as welcome as the others. so it seemed. For lack of a better term, I enjoyed playing the devil's advocate because I felt God gave us all a brain that he wanted us to use. I still feel that way.

I like to question what most consider solid beliefs because I wonder just how solid they are and how much they deviate from Christ's original message, let's just say I think the term "Christian" is misused and abused like crazy. It really makes me sad when I see someone who has totally lost their faith in God, or has never found it to begin with, because of how much the term "Christian" disturbs them, thanks to the ignorant "fan club". I know it hurts God's heart more than mine, but then I wonder if I'm living up to his standards, or if I'm too busy talking back.

I once read a bumper sticker that says "I have no problem with God, it's his fan club I can't stand" -- hence my use of the term above. I have to admit, I thought it was rather funny, but I was also saddened by it. I laughed because of how much truth it holds, but then reflected on the many ways that statment is the reason why so many people have given up on having a relationship with God altogether.

I believe our relationship with God is supposed to be a very personal one. Though I also believe that fellowship with others is important, I think it tends to take center stage too much and lead to a herd mentality. It can get so bad that we no longer question things because when someone responds to a claim with a Well, it's in the bible, we take it as fact instead of researching it ourselves and figuring out how much truth is in that claim. Again, God did give us a brain. I honestly believe most of these claims are founded on someone's misguided/self-imposed legalistic beliefs. When I give a counter response in moments like that, I feel 9 again; figuratively speaking, I'm the one asking why we get so caught up in what we're wearing instead of what God wants to see in us, or what he really wants us to be like.

So this is an issue that's weighing heavy on me, and I'm wondering how much my disappointment with the aforementioned has influenced my own perspective on God. I know that I don't spend as much time getting to know him as I should, and I do believe part of it has to do with the fact that I don't have a "group" to help hold me accountable. But I'm skeptical of groups, like I said.

So here I am again, dusting myself off. Waking up early in the morning, hungry for a real spiritual breakfast; reaching for my devotional and hoping for some hope. Hmm... then I read this: I have always believed in God. But it wasn't until I began devoting myself to His Word that I had something tangible that I could hang on to when times got rough. (From Live on Purpose for Women by J.M. Farro)

Revisiting this again: I don't have a problem with God, it's his fan club I can't stand...

So who do we turn to when times get rough? This is why I find that bumper sticker so sad, because I have to ask myself who we turn to if we live by what that sticker says. I'm not talking about turning to a group of people, God already said people would disappoint us, but I wonder what would happen if all of us turned our eyes away from what everyone else was doing and thinking and rested them on who God really is. Thankfully, we don't have to go through anyone else and their distorted beliefs in order to get to God, we can go directly to him. Unlike everyone else, he isn't pointing fingers -- he just has his hand outstretched, waiting for us to take hold of it and see the scars that prove he's the only intercessor we need.

Lemons and forgiveness :)

When life gives you lemons...take a picture of them and edit the pic with gimp (or make lemon cake ;). When people give you lemons... (OK, so it doesn't have much to do with the post, but I wanted to share this fun pic from Haymarket.)

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Forgive and forget, it's a cliche that some say is biblically based; if God does it then we should too. We're not God, though, and he knows that. Bear with each other & Be kind and compassionate are the two commandments prefacing the call to forgiveness. They put it all into perspective and answer the questions surrounding the issue of forgiveness.

I'm certainly not one to forget when I've been hurt, but with time I've learned to slowly let things go. Only because, with prayer, the anger and bitterness have gradually been replaced with compassion and understanding. Even though the former feelings still creep up every now and then, it's difficult to truly be resentful toward someone when I put myself in their shoes (consider their upbringing, their own battles and struggles, etc.).

We don't have to wait for an apology from anyone to start forgiving them. If turning the other cheek sounds unreasonable, then the way we've been looking at it is all wrong. Turning the other cheek requires us to turn away from the 'raised hand' (or the hurt) and look away from the act/person that's hurting us. At that point we're the most vulnerable and we can also see something other than the pain. It's in our most vulnerable moments that we can humble ourselves and realize that we're not so different from those who've hurt us. We may not engage in the same hurtful acts, but we've all hurt and been hurt. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other... There is a reason why compassion comes before forgiveness.

Finding strength in faith and love

photo from here

Take a look at this

Then read this (same girl)...

Happy Easter!

Luke 24: 38-39 & 46-47 spoken by Jesus after the resurrection:
"Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see..."
"This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations..."

Titus 3:4-8
"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life."

God is love: a simple but often difficult TRUTH to grasp!

This is the verse quoted by Lee Strobel at the end of his book, The Case for Faith. My husband and I watched the movie last night, and we both enjoyed it. We had to pause the movie here and there, though, to discuss our thoughts about the different issues that were brought up (and such good ones they were, watch it!). The two big issues are/were those regarding the existence of a truly loving God in a world filled with suffering and the often-controversial core Christian belief that Jesus truly is The Way, The Truth, and The Life. Now, I'm not writing this to start any kind of debate or curse anyone to hell, in fact, I'm here to talk about my aversion to both of those things, particularly the latter.

When Lee Stroble and the theologians he interveiwed used the crucifixtion to explain God's intensely real love in a world filled with sin and pain, Jose paused the movie for a second. He said something I've already heard before, but he said it in a much more obvious way. It's true that God's people are his bride and he is the bridegroom, it's mentioned in the Bible and repeatedly discussed among Christians -- but what if we were to simplify that even more?

Let's put it in much more 'human' terms. God's love for us is like a husband's love for his wife; it's very romantic, actually. It is unconditional, steadfast and faithful. He wants to woo us so that we love him with abandon; he gave us the most beautiful rose, the promise of everlasting life, and he wore a crown of thorns to prove it.

Jesus. Here is a perfect man who said he came to save the world, not condemn it. And there we are -- lost and confused, wanting change in our hearts and the hearts in those around us, but we are a slave to our human condition and we can only do so much. We have abandoned our God for things that, in the end, only cause us more suffering. It's a vicscious cycle and we want out, but when the issue of hell arises, we're angry that any 'god' could send people he supposedly loves to such a dark and insufferable place. It's as if hell is the major roadblock to people accepting that Jesus is the perfect and loving son of God, next to suffering. (For a great explanation on suffering's existence and how it doesn't contradict with the reality of a loving God, read The Case for Faith!)

But Jesus didn't focus on hell when he was on Earth, he focused on the promise of Heaven and hope. He did correct those who damned people to hell, though. Think of Mary Magdalene, the prostitute he rescued while she was being stoned, he claimed that no one was worthy of stoning her. He corrected the Pharisees, men who falsely advertised their supposed 'faith' and 'allegiance' to God with their (very corrupt) "pious" ways, but they totally missed THE POINT -- Jesus. He literally made friends with sinners and the sick; leopers that no one would touch, he healed. People that no one would associate with, he befriended and called disciples. He outstretched his hand - actually, both of them - the very same ones that were nailed to a cross not only to save, but to express his (literal) undying love for every one of those sinners. Death (and resurrection in this case) is the ultimate sacrifice for sins, the ultimate display of real love.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13

Jesus. Here is a man who longs for us similar to (but stronger than) the way a groom longs for his earthly bride; he would do anything to save her, even if it means undergoing the most painful and undeserved death. Here is a man who, when you say I'm sorry (even though you've cheated on him with sin, and let's admit it, we've all screwed up!) -- he never brings up that wrongdoing again! Even if you feel guilty about it, you shouldn't, because he's already forgotten about it.

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12

But so many of us have this image of an angry and difficult to please God who's always on our back about something, we forget that he is on our side and that he has our back. I am guilty of this. Growing up criticized again and again, and verbally abused even for the littlest things, I developed a somewhat distorted view of God. Unfortunately, the Bible was sometimes used to condone this criticism, and even though I tried my best to follow God in my youth, I often felt I could never please him. I heard that God loved me, but it was hard to truly believe just how much, especially when I felt I wasn't good enough.

In turn, I wasn't sure who was right and who was wrong, so I asked God to show me; I asked him to make himself real to me, I wanted to know who he really was. When I went to college and left that emotionally unhealthy environment, it was easier for me to see the truth. Now that I look back, I realize he was there all along. With my weak human strength, I could not have made it. I felt so desperate for a solution and lonely at times, but those were the moments I literally cried out to God. Even though I didn't understand him, I knew he was there and that was enough to get me through a rough childhood alive, emotionally and very much physically too. Being able to look back and clearly see that is part of my answered prayer, and God continues to make himself known to me every day.

Still, there are moments the guilt unexpectedly creeps in. Sometimes it comes after I've already asked for forgiveness for a wrongdoing (i.e., saying something hurtful, thinking something unloving), and other times the guilt resurfaces when I've picked at the scab of an old wound (I get stuck thinking about the past). I'm glad I can take comfort in this verse:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

I don't believe I'm sugarcoating the message of Jesus when I say that his love (and not condemnation) should be emphasized when we minister to people, both with our actions and words. He came to offer grace and forgiveness; he came to save and not condemn. Remember, it is said...

If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent.
Matthew 12:7

Jesus begins his ministry in the heart of the individual, he reaches out to us in very personal ways. If we are curious in the least bit, if we want to better understand who God really is, he will reveal himself to us if and when we ask. However, as followers of Christ, when we condemn anyone to hell, we are creating a roadblock for God to reveal himself in their heart, because that condmenation hardens it. After all, Jesus interceded on Mary Magdalene's behalf, he saved her from the stoning, so who are we to cast the first stone? By doing so we are only contradicting Christ and, at that point, we sincerely have to ask ourselves whose side we're on.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
1 John 3:16

What's in your luggage bag?

People-watching at the airport never gets old. You can always get a glimpse of someone's personality based on how they pack when they're going on a trip. You have...

Type A: The neat packer with the nice (possibly designer) luggage bag and purse, nothing too bulky or loud. They're probably the 'professionals' in the bunch who are used to traveling with the least amount of 'baggage'.

Type B: They strut a big black luggage bag, big purse, big backpack. They're the type that pack a little extra underwear 'just in case'. Just in case, what? I'm not sure :D. I can make fun of this group because I contribute to the mix.

Type C: They're seen carrying loud suitcases with tacky decor; an unraveling gaudy Christmas ribbon is fastened on the handle of each luggage bag. You'd be right to guess they've packed an entire wardrobe with a theme to match that of their vacation spot. :D

In the end, everyone's got baggage. And we all think it's safely packed away when the zipper closes... that is, until we get to security-check :). They see it all. Even the bags we don't carry-on the plane get scanned; privacy is nonexistent for safety's sake, and I don't mind one bit.

In life, which type are you? Most of us probably fall into the first category. We carry our purses or handbags full of the things we just can't seem to part with. Even if we clean 'em out, they always get full of gum-wrappers, old receipts and movie ticket stubs. To the outside world we seem to have 'it' all together. We're neat-freaks, figuratively and maybe even literally speaking. Yet we're still carrying around the junk that won't get past life's security check. We'll have to leave these things behind; this time it's for our soul's sake.

Jesus spent most of his time on earth around the physically and spiritually sick, or those who would admit to needing him. Tax collectors and leapers were his pals. Repeatedly, Jesus says he 'was sent only to the lost sheep' (Matthew 15: 24). The only ones who found healing were those who "came and knelt before him" (v. 25) or reached out and touched his cloak: "And wherever he went—into villages, towns or countryside—they placed the sick in the marketplaces. They begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed." (Mark 6:56) There wasn't anything standing in the way between them and the final destination, healing.

Our baggage literally holds us back from receiving blessings and every kind of healing, from the spiritual to physical. When we're getting ready to travel and leave the safety of our homes, we pack the extra belongings we 'think' we might need. Usually we're just creating more work for ourselves; more stuff to carry. They're things that way us down; more junk for security to rummage through. In the end, we simply make the trip even more stressful than it already is. And, of course, our carry-ons are full of the objects we really need, they represent the items we cling to -- maybe they're our most 'priceless possessions' or stuff that keeps us entertained.

Our spiritual baggage is made up of all that we "must rid yourselves of... such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander..." (Colossians 3:8). Let's not forget, "'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Jesus said this when he dined with 'the lost sheep'.

Many of us view God as condemning, someone who will judge and show no compassion, especially in regards to sin and the baggage we cling to. It seems we fail to acknowledge the verse that follows: "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice'..." (Matthew 9: 13)

It's true that "Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them." (Matthew 15:30) It also holds that Jesus came to offer relief to the lost sheep from the ailments that separated them from him. Though God is the ultimate judge, Jesus said, "For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it" (John 12:47) He is the intercessor we can hand our baggage to with confidence; he is and truly offers security. He will sift through every unnecessary thing we've packed; he'll tell us what's safe to carry on the journey, so long as we're willing to draw near and give him the baggage that separates us from his healing hand.

Psalm 69:5
You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you.

Isaiah 59:2
But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.

Daniel 2:22
He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.

Job 28:11
He searches the sources of the rivers and brings hidden things to light.

Everyone's Calling

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Romans 8:17

I've read those verses before, but I'm just beginning to understand the connections between the two. I used to believe that the only people who truly suffered for Christ were those who were on the mission field, serving him in the rawest, realest form... so ignorant to believe that, I know. Then I finally realized, this entire Earth is a mission field and we don't even have to interact with anyone to be 'in the battle'; the most obvious battleground is the mind.

If you're trying to live for God, Satan's going to do anything he can to stop that from happening; he doesn't want to be lonely in hell, after all. These days, you're the Job and he's still the same Satan that went up to God and asked for permission to test him. Job lost his property, family, health... but not his God. That man refused to turn his back on God even when his own wife falsely claimed that he'd already turned his back on Job.

Was Job a missionary? Not in the way we use that term today, but his obvious love and devotion to God did minister to those around him and his story still ministers to many today, including myself.

I had a Job day today. It was rough, probably my own fault (I inhaled gluten while baking something for a friend, this sounds crazy but when you have Celiac disease it's a big no-no) -- it still frustrated me. The tummy troubles continue and today they were worse than ever, the pain almost sent me to ER, no joke. I hit a low point where the only thing I could do was pray, as I was losing hope in my body (and realized I was a fool for placing that hope in anyone but God in the first place).

Psalm 22: 4
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.

Times like these, I have to make the extra effort to not let myself get sucked into taking the paradoxical easy way out -- the one that only produces bad results, negative thinking. But as I was balled up on the bed, asking God for guidance and patience, he reminded me that this truly is not a 'struggle against flesh and blood'. It occurred to me that I could confidently cry out to God because I've been trying to put him first in my life, then I realized that's exactly what Satan does not want.

Satan is unhappy, this means I'm doing something right, and he wants to wrong me because of it. Satan enjoys doing this to you and me because he knows how much it hurts God to destroy his creation. The evil one had to ask God for permission to cause the pain and God allowed it to happen. Some might think that God is unfair, but no, he isn't. This is a chance for my relationship with Christ to be strengthened. At my weakest point, if I am still trusting Jesus, he will only bless me for it. This doesn't mean I'll have an instant answered prayer and wake-up cured tomorrow, this does mean I'll have the antidote for my own spiritual illnesses: God's everlasting love and the promise of eternal life that won't include any kind of physical suffering whatsoever.

A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?
Proverbs 18:14

The truth is, as God's children, we are all called to be missionaries; to minister to the world with our own lives, with the choices we make, with the words we say. I often fail miserably; I have the pity-parties. You know, the drawn-out ones that are followed by migraines and puffy, tired eyes? I even have the occasional annoying bad attitude that likes to rear its ugly head when the gut starts acting like a monster. <----These are all things that get me nowhere fast.

Like in Job's case, some might say I have every reason to be angry at God. Doctors have told me everything from "If you ever want to have kids, you'll have to take fertility pills because of your defunct ovaries" (don't like to talk about that much here, just bringing it up to make a point) to "Sorry, there's no cure for your digestive problems, you'll probably be in pain for the rest of your life." But one thing that keeps me going is a wise saying used by a pastor of a church I used to attend: "Don't ask God why, ask him what. 'What am I supposed to learn from this Lord, what is all this for?'" So this is what I did today, and the content in this post what he put on my heart as the answer.

I don't know what you're going through, but we all experience our own version of hell on earth at one point or another. It's obvious we can't trust the state of the economy; we can't know that we'll have a job tomorrow, we can't even be certain that we'll be able to stay healthy so that we can support our families financially. We can only trust that God is faithful and so is his word. Christ said this battle isn't about tangible things but spiritual ones for a reason. The only things we can control are the thoughts that enter our mind and what we do with them; our attitude and heart. The person who gives us the strength to do this right is with us all along, we just have to be willing to cry out to him, even when Satan tries to stifle us.

If you've read this and it's encouraged you, that's the answer to the second part of the above question: 'What is all this for?'. Never underestimate God or his ability to use your negative situation to encourage someone.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

Living the life

Words and Pictures

Psalm 62:5-8 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; his is my mighty rocky, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him for God is our refuge.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.


Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.


2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Maybe Sparrow

Matthew 10:29
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.

Luke 12:7
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Job 12:10
In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.

The first is a verse I often here quoted when worry related issues arise. We're told to have faith that God will work things out because he even protects the sparrows. But that doesn't mean we're supposed to just have faith or just trust and pray...

Getting a picture of the sparrows outside my apartment yesterday morning wasn't easy. It was cold so their feathers were fluffy. Still, they were happily chirping away, probably celebrating Spring's oncoming arrival and a sunny morning without snowfall, rain or high speed winds.

Then I enter the scene. Huge black camera in hand, big black coat on, scarf around my face, glasses on, the works--I probably looked like a monster to them. They see me. They're gone... I spent the next 10 to 15 minutes looking for a gutsy but photogenic birdie that might've stuck around. Finally found one, he's pictured hiding behind a branch. The rest followed their God-given instincts and flew away...

So why is it that when we're afraid or worried about something, we expect God to do it all? Even sparrows know better...well, some ;).

A 'cute' verse

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
Colossians 4:6

I read this verse and had to laugh a little, being a foodie and all. Salt really does make or break a baked good. I've learned from experience. When I first started baking, I used to do away with the salt in recipes because I saw no point in adding the one little teaspoon or half teaspoon of salt.

I thought, "What can a tiny pinch of salt do to a batch of cookies that sugar and all the other good stuff can't?". Well, when batch after batch of those saltless cookies kept coming up bland and missing 'something', I eventually realized how much their yumminess depends on a smidgen of salt.

God knows my responses are sometimes missing salt, the extra something that makes my words palatable and effective in representing my faith in God. How many times have you heard a sermon or someone (even this blog ;) trying to express God's love and it just sounds impersonal and 'Hallmark'? It really gives a whole new meaning to the phrase Pass the Salt! :D

Rich in faith

As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. "I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."
Luke 21: 1-4

Funny how I tend to glance over what I initially perceive to be the more 'simple' verses in the Bible. Over time, I've learned that there are no simple verses, just simple ways of thinking; I am guilty of the latter. But, when I'm available, God opens my eyes and shows me things I never would've seen without his wisdom, and that's what happened with these first few verses in the 21st chapter of Luke.

So many of us can relate to that "poor woman," as Jesus put it. Whether we're struggling financially or emotionally, we know what loss feels like, and possibly even the self-pity that comes along with that loss. It can be quite engrossing; we get wrapped up in our struggles so much that we forget to give back...

Wait a minute! Give back? What's left to give when you're living a life like Job and you've lost it all? You say you've done everything right and you can't figure out why YOU should be the one giving back; shouldn't the ball be on God's side of the court? Not in this case, God's for us--he's not the opponent we're up against.

That 'poor woman' lost her husband and could only offer God a fraction of a penny, but it was more than enough for him. She gave. This isn't Jesus lecturing his disciples about the importance of tithing; it's not about giving money to the church--it's about faith, giving God the benefit of the doubt when you'd rather not. This woman did not let her heart become consumed with bitterness; she did not give 'reluctantly or under compulsion' (2 Cor. 9:7) but 'freely and wholeheartedly' (1 Chron. 29:9). To think, though she was poor, she was free; she was not a slave to her sadness. Her heart was whole because it belonged to God and he acknowledged her for that, we see it happen literally right there in Luke.

To some, it may seem like you're not giving much to God; your walk with him is a humble one. Others might even think you're a fool for believing in God because you're financially poor or struggling somehow--but God sees your heart, as he saw this woman's. So where is your hope? You can be certain that A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all (Psalm 34:19).

Isaiah says it like this, Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction...(Isaiah 38:17) What if it feels like you're in the pit of destruction right now? (Though you probably aren't, as it seems God did spare Isaiah from the worst.) Maybe it's time to focus on the first part of the aforementioned verse; instead of looking for the obvious benefits, look at the ones you can gather from the hardships. It's easy to have faith when all is going well. This woman's faith was tried and true, probably even stronger than that of the wealthy men who gave more money. She'd lost her husband, she was struggling financially, and she probably was going to have it pretty rough for awhile. (Let's not forget that men were the breadwinners back then, and she'd lost hers!)

The ability to have faith when all else fails is one of the greatest benefits/blessings you will ever receive in this life--it means your faith is real. We can take comfort in these golden verses:

Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way; in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distress...sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
2 Corinthians 6:4 & 10

Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the Kingdom of God. Luke 6:20

A free gift

For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Romans 8:20 and 26

My Economics professor used to say that nothing's free. Mentally, I thought I could come up with some kind of argument against that statement, then I realized how much it applies to material things. Recently, I began to reflect on how that statement also applies to the intangible. Why am I thinking about this now, even though I've been out of college for a few years? Whenever I hear the term 'free gift', I think about what my professor said about 5 or 6 years ago. (Has it been that long, man, how time flies! I'm getting old. Yes, it's been 6 years; I was 18 when I took that class*.)

How many times do we offer a 'gift' to someone and expect them to give us something in return? I know we feel guilty about it later, especially when we're trying to do it with a selfless spirit, but sometimes, it happens. We're nice to someone we've just met and hope they'll reciprocate. Who knows, a friendship could develop as a result of our kind behavior toward that person, we think to ourselves. It sounds so innocent, but in that moment we have expectations. Of course, we acknowledge the importance of being nice to folks just because it's the 'right thing to do', but sometimes it's pretty tough to not have expectations.

Is it any surprise that we also view God this way? We're told to pray, and we think "Okay, God, look at me, I'm praying...Look! See!!!" It's like we think he's Santa Claus, staring at us from a far away heaven; we're the little porcelain figurines in a snow globe entertaining him.

And because we're honoring his wishes, or so it seems, we suddenly expect him to answer our prayers in our time! "God, why are you taking so long, I've been praying for years..." or "God, you must not exist because I've been praying and I'm not seeing anything come from those prayers! What a waste of time".

Whether we think those exact thoughts or something similar, we fail to realize the following:

• The spirit that we have while we're praying determines what will come of that prayer.
• We don't realize that prayer is more for us than him; God's perfect already, and I doubt heaven's boring, so he doesn't need us to entertain him.

I'm sure you've heard it said that we grow closer to God when we pray, but how? It's obvious that we lose touch with people when we stop talking to them, so that'll be the simple example of how. But, also, how can you see God change your life if you're not asking him to show you? Even if you don't believe in God, is it really that ridiculous to ask him a simple question every once in awhile? Things don't happen coincidentally, really.

Think of all the 'coincidences' you've experienced in the past week...
1) You woke up late for work and you're in a bad mood, then you get stuck in traffic because there's an accident up ahead; if you left just 5 minutes earlier, you would've been in that accident.
2) You turn on the radio randomly and suddenly someone's talking about their latest concern. It sounds a whole lot like yours, except they're focusing on the solution to the problem--what you couldn't arrive at on your own.
3) You're randomly browsing the internet and come across a page that talks about the symptoms you've been blowing off for weeks; suddenly, you realize how dumb it was for you to ignore them for so long. You get an ugly diagnosis but it would've been a whole lot uglier if you'd waited one more week to see the doctor.
4) Insert your coincidence here.

I'm sure most of us don't give credit to God for these coincidences, or happy accidents. What we fail to realize is this: had we been praying beforehand (even if it's about something minor), we would've seen how he spared us; how he took something negative and turned it into something positive. I know you've heard that one before.

In those 'duh it's God' moments, I grow closer to him. Afterward, I am also convinced that I need to take advantage of the free gift of prayer more often because God knows (literally) how much I need it.

*Let it be known that I did horribly in that class and didn't enjoy it at all! This is probably the only thing I took away from it :D (and the only thing I really remember my professor saying).

Hope

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead -- since he was about a hundred years old -- and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why it is credited to him as righteousness. The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness--for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead.
Romans 4:18-24

Entertaining Angels

I was cold and wet waiting for the bus yesterday. I was a little annoyed that I couldn't find the receipt I needed to exchange a pair of jeans that fit perfectly one day and were too small the next. I was also complaining to myself, wishing I could jump in a car instead of having to wait for the bus in the pouring rain. I decided to head out to the mall anyway.

Only a few minutes passed before a middle-aged/older man made his way to the same bus stop. He was friendly and said hello. He went on to say that it was a great day because we're still here. He had a grin on his face, I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic.

To be honest, I was a little surprised by his friendliness. I'm used to the hustle and bustle of Bean Town, where most people don't have time to be extra friendly, usually a smile is all strangers exchange. (I was almost weirded out by it, but I shouldn't have been. After all, I do find it strange when other people find friendliness itself strange. It usually doesn't make sense.)

The bus arrives and I'm relieved that I didn't have to wait in the cold too long. I sit down, the stranger sits in the available seat in front of me. I begin to understand what he meant when he said 'we're still here' after he goes on to say 'we're here to serve God' a few moments later, on the bus.

Again, I was surprised that I was surprised by his candidness. He continued to chat. 'You know, most people don't hear the voice of God because they're distracted by the little things around them, but if you listen, you'll hear his voice; his message is one of love.'

I had to agree. He was mumbling a little after that, saying something about how the government isn't going to change anything because in the end it's all up to us. I nodded in agreement and then laughed a little to myself when he said 'we really need to stop burning gasoline'. After that, he said goodbye and hopped off the bus. I should note that I didn't laugh because what he said seemed disconnected from everything else he was saying; instead, I laughed because it was connected to what I was complaining about earlier.

I felt guilty about the ungrateful attitude I had just minutes before; I realized I'd missed an opportunity to hear God's voice instead of my own ungrateful thoughts. Thankfully, he also speaks through all kinds of friendly folks, even the ones you meet at the bus stop on a cold day.