What I've learned about being a mom so far

Every day, Mirabel teaches me something new about myself. Whether it's that I'm stronger than I thought I was, or the opposite, that I need to humble myself and admit that I don't know everything (and that I need to get over one insecurity or another). Still, being a mom has given me a new sense of security...though, ironically, I run on very little sleep (which leaves me quite fuzzy-headed), and I occasionally wonder if we're going to have to get a credit card to cover diaper expenses alone (hehe, just kiddin').

All of the cliche sayings are true. I haven't loved someone this much before, and I've never found little bundles of lint hidden between chubby rolls of skin cute until now. When I wake up in the morning after being up almost every other hour the previous night, she gives me countless grins and I feel so blessed to receive them. Then I look in the mirror and, in spite of seeing bags under my eyes, a head full of frizzy hair and an unwashed face...I know that I've won.

Jose and I couldn't afford to buy each other fancy wedding rings when we married, we were poor recent college grads at the time, but I tell him that Mirabel is my diamond and the best gift he ever gave me. But I'm also going to give credit to the man upstairs for sending me this little angel that I was completely unworthy of receiving, and I still am unworthy of her.

He sent her to US for a reason; I'm realizing what those reasons are more and more each day.

• Being discreet? Who cares about that. Whether she needs to be fed right then and there for the whole world to see, or she needs to "relieve" herself (which she is very good at doing LOUDLY :), we no longer feel the need to sit in the quietest section of the restaurant, if you know what I mean.

• There's no time to be selfish. Time? What's that? Time is what's tickin' when she's napping and I'm not, like now. But I want to make sure I remember the details, so that's why I'm trying to take advantage of that time and document the special moments here. And as far as selfishness is concerned, that doesn't mix well with parenting. But you know what? They're happier that way and, as a result, you're happier, too.

• Beauty really is pain. You know what? My mom told me that I'd forget about the pain of childbirth after holding this little girl in my arms for the first time. The truth is, I didn't forget and I actually still remember everything. But you know what? I'm glad I remember because I can honestly say it was worth it and I'd do it all again and again...
  

This list will continue to grow. But the little one has just woken up and she's wiggling in my arms trying to eat while I blog with one hand...another thing she's indirectly taught me how to do. :)

An Exciting Life!

3 month ultrasound

I purposely titled this entry An Exciting Life because life is actually quite slow for me right now. Well, maybe life itself isn't necessarily slow, but I feel like I'm moving in sloooow motion. To be honest, I'm pretty lucky that I didn't suffer from much morning sickness the first trimester; there were those few revolting smells that made my stomach churn, and a bit of heartburn, but that only lasted a few weeks. My biggest symptom was/has been exhaustion.

I can sleep 8 to 10 hours and still feel like I need a nap, come 3PM; the rest of the day I'm just dragging. This is pretty funny, since I used to be the type of person that could sleep less than 6 hours and still have energy. Now, just the thought of preparing dinner makes me yawn ;). But... if sleepiness is all I'm dealing with, then I am still very, very lucky!

On top of that, I haven't been baking very much because I don't have a desire to eat sweets (biggest surprise)! My biggest craving? Salty, spicy and sour foods... and cold fruit. Sausage, cheese, ribs, cheetos, sour cream with pretty much anything, salsa and salty chips, french fries... almost any dried fruit like mango, cold pears and grapes... oh yeah, and mexican food, but no desserts.

There is a reason why the word "Exciting" is in this post, though. Every day, something new happens! It isn't necessarily something visibly new, but I wake up every morning knowing that someone is growing in there the way they should be. I love sneaking a peak during the ultrasounds. It always feels like getting to unwrap a Christmas present! There's something slightly different at each appointment, so it's like opening a different gift each time :). And in December, the week of or before Christmas, we'll get to find out if we're having a girl or a boy; that's my kind of present!

Slowing down gives me the chance to think about all of this more. The thought of being a mom is very exciting. Getting to share this experience with Jose is such a blessing. As cheesy as it sounds, sometimes when he's busy with school during the week, I get a warm feeling inside (literally haha!) knowing that a mini-Jose is in my belly.

Before I got pregnant, I used to ask God if I could please, please just have one biological baby. I knew I'd be happy adopting, and I'd still like to, but I really wanted a little piece of my best friend. I know life doesn't last forever, and with my pessimistic/creative mind, I have ways of imagining scenarios where I become a widow (silly, I know). I just feel like it would be easier (if easy is even the word) to endure the loss of your best friend/spouse if there's a child there to remind you of them.

Now that I'm in the second trimester, I feel like I can relax a little more and really enjoy this time. Though I'm not on my feet so much, I'm finding that activities like crocheting and working with clay are ideal pass times. I'm not the world's best crochet-er (?), but thankfully the blanket I'm crocheting isn't crooked :) (it's taken me awhile to get to this point! Ha!). As for working with clay, nothing fancy... Christmas (my favorite holiday) is right around the corner! My mom appreciates homemade gifts, so I made her some kitschy festive figurines (I also made a little sign that says grandma and grandpa to go along with the Santa/Mrs. Santa figurines :P; the uncle JD is for my little brother). I feel like a little kid doing this, but it's really fun and keeps my hands busy!
Right after Christmas is our wedding anniversary! So another trip is in our future. Hopefully it won't take me that long to write another blog post, though! :O)

Taking a moment...

Earlier this morning, I read about The Simple Things blogging event on my friend Tracy's blog, Pink Purl. It's now 4 PM and the hectic day is finally beginning to wind down. I'm usually the least thankful on days like this because I forget about the simple things. Now's the perfect time to list them. Seeing these simple things typed out in black and white letters seems to make them more important, bigger, or even more powerful than all the other insignificant events of the day. After reading through the list, I feel more calm; the good things are more concrete and tangible. The events that contributed to a hectic day? They become part of the soil beneath the wildflowers, simple things we love the most.

Big, suffocating hugs.

The feeling of dough between my fingers.

Surprises, giving and receiving them.

The first snow but also stepping out of a Texas airport in the middle of summer after freezing all year in Boston =0).

Little drawings my brother gives me.

Snail mail!

Smiling at random passers by.

The smell of books, old and new (is there a candle out there that captures this scent?).

Receiving and giving mixed CDs.

Staying up late to chat in bed with the hubby.

Homemade with love anything, from food to socks :).

Christmas tree and burning fireplace smell (not christmas trees burning in the fireplace!)

The cozy feeling of the sun on my back when I step out of a cold pool.

The smell of cilantro (reminds me of my grandmother's food).

Hearing an old song on the radio I haven't heard in 5-10 years.

Trips to big libraries.

Mixed fruit in a bowl.