Saturday, October 23, 2010

Now and Then

As I'm writing this post, I'm listening to baby M (she'll be referred to as that from now on ;) babble in her crib, in the room next door. I guess saying "room next door" makes it sound like we live in a place with multiple bedrooms. Don't be deceived by the lingo, our place is a little bigger than a walk-in closet. Still, I'm content with where I'm at. Also as I write this, I really really need to use the restroom, but I realize that my free time only exists when baby M is either asleep or in a good mood. But, again, don't let yourselves be deceived by that last statement; it's not meant to be received as a complaint, I am more than ok with not having much free time.

So what is this post all about? A few days ago I got a random email from blogger letting me know that my old blog received a spam comment. Funny thing is, I completely forgot about that blog. But part of the reason why I love blogging so much is that you can document your life in stages. That blog contains posts that document one of the toughest stages in my life yet. It was my pre-celiac-diagnosis blog. Gosh, there are some really sad posts in there. Not sad in the sense that I was balling my eyes out while writing the posts, but sad because I can't forget how I was physically feeling when I wrote most of those posts. I started that blog right before Jose and I got married, and stopped writing posts shortly after we got married. I was so sick that I was having a hard time working. I also had my gallbladder removed around that time, and the thought of having a child seemed like an impossible one. I knew about the PCOS, but I was more afraid of not being able to even carry a child if I somehow miraculously conceived, because I was so ill.

So here is the blog, it's called Woven With Words. I was just starting to post recipes online before ending that blog, and, as you can see, they are not gluten-free. Yep, changing my diet really did change my life for the better. I'm not spending more time in the bathroom than in other places, for one; definitely a major improvement.

Anyhow, there are other things I noticed when re-visiting that blog. At that point, we weren't sure where we were going to end up (we hadn't received all of Jose's law school acceptance letters), and we were so strapped for cash because I was only working part-time. AND, as I already mentioned, even keeping the part-time jobs was tough. We also had a lemon for a car; never buy a VW Passat. Ours had an engine that constantly had issues because it would fill with sludge; we eventually learned that that particular model had issues.

Reading the posts on that blog really, really brought to light how blessed we are these days. We have a cute, squishy little girl who greets us with a smile (and 5 pound dirty diaper :P) every morning. We've been married for almost 3 years now, and we're celebrating 5 years of togetherness this coming November. I, thankfully, have a secure job with flexible hours that allows me to work from home (total blessing at this point in my life). And I AM NOT IN PAIN ALL THE TIME! I cannot tell you how depressing it is to be in chronic pain. It's like you just can't see any glimmer of hope, because doctors don't have the answers. Thankfully, I finally came across a doctor that did have some answers.

If anyone struggling here today randomly happened to stumble upon this blog and this particular post, I'm going to tell you something: It does get better! No, sometimes not the way you want it to, or in the timing you would like, but gradually. Hanging onto hope and getting by a few prayers at a time are the way to make it. Thankfully, my diagnosis wasn't that bad--celiac disease is treatable, but even if you're struggling with something that doesn't have a quick fix or easy diagnosis...miracles do happen. I know it sounds cheesy, but the little girl I was referring to at the beginning of this post is my biggest miracle yet. Hang in there and know that you are not alone!


Amanda said...

The guy that I work with whose wife can't get pregnant, she has celiac disease (and a bunch of allergies too). I was already fearing the worst for them because I know celiac disease seems to be related to IF or increase IF issues. I don't think a lot of people realize that and I'm not sure that anyone knows why, but I mentioned that to him too. I hope someone like her finds your blog and is helped.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I go back and read my infertility blog and read it again too. I think it is always good to remember where God has brought us from because it encourages our faith and reminds us that what we see as impossible can be possible.

I work as a chronic pain nurse at a hospital here and you are so right about the despair that comes with not having hope.

Sophie said...

Amanda: a friend of mine told me that cysts/pcos is more common among those with celiac disease. I think it's interesting, must be something to do with the immune system's response to hormones, maybe? I hope they are able to get help soon. Do you know if she is totally gluten free?

Ali: Thanks so much for coming by! I think as a chronic pain nurse you probably understand the feelings behind this post quite a bit! It is tough but thankfully my situation wasn't a hopeless one.

Tracy said...

Hi, Sophie! :o) Lovely, heartfelt post today... I love how you honestly write how hard it was at one time for your, but how you've come through now. That's courage. While it is painful to look back at certain chapters of your lives, it can be uplifting in a strange way to, to see just how we have moved on. Oddly, a couple weeks ago while doing a clear out, I found a pair of old, old journals written in my early 20's when going through a really tough time. It was sobering to see my sad self then on paper. But I think of myself now, and in a much better phase, that it's what had to happen to get to now. All part of the "plan," I guess? ;o) Anyway, thanks so much, Sophie. Wishing you well, always... always! ((HUGS))

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