A busy life

Looking at Mirabel, you wouldn't guess that something was/is wrong. She even had the nurses fooled with her smiles and grins. But 2 days ago, things started looking a little different...in her diaper. Streaks of red were appearing in every single diaper. Worried, I called the doctor and explained to her that Mirabel had recently taken antibiotics, and I was concerned that the meds might be the culprit. So we went in and the doctor, upon examining her and feeling her belly, was convinced it was related to a milk protein allergy. So I went off cow's milk about 2 days ago. The doctor said goat's milk was ok, so I replaced cow's milk with goat's milk.

Yesterday was fine, no blood streaks in her BM. Then I started noticing flecks/streaks of red again today, followed by a small clot in her post-lunch diaper. That, on top of the fact that she was producing dirty diapers after every single feeding, had me very concerned. So we went to Children's Hospital Boston; I wanted an answer right away.

We just got back. The children's hospital doc said the same thing. I brought up the antibiotic thing, and that I was concerned Mirabel might have C.Diff from taking Amox., but the doctor examined the soiled diaper and said it looked like a textbook case of milk protein allergy. She said that since Mirabel has no other symptoms, and that she's in the age group when food allergies become an issue, she's convinced Mirabel has a milk protein allergy. The doc also said that Mirabel could outgrow this, but she might also have a stronger allergy to milk protein that she doesn't outgrow. She also mentioned that Mirabel might've already been developing it and that the antibiotic just made it show up faster because of the change in gut bacteria. Time will tell. For now, I'm just supposed to be on diaper watch...which I definitely will be.

We were taking a walk at a nearby park when I stopped to change her diaper; that's when I saw the clot. I immediately started to freak out. In my mind I imagined all these horrible things, including losing her. Then I realized that the worst kind of suffering isn't our own physical suffering, but seeing others we love suffer and not being able to do anything about it. Jose saw that I was really bothered by it, and he reminded me to say a prayer for her. I did, but that didn't stop my heart from hurting. The kind of love I have for this baby is beyond measure, and I know many moms feel that way. It is the most amazing and scary thing. Seeing her suffer, or even thinking about it literally causes me more pain than anything else.

Then I realized that's exactly what God did for us. He let his son suffer for us. Being a mom has opened my eyes to God's perfect love in a whole new way. That's part of what makes having that title, "mom", such a blessing...

Then I think about my mom; I understand her love for me more as well. She was so overprotective of me growing up, and I was always so annoyed by it. But now it makes more sense than ever :). My grandma has also been a worry-wort throughout my life...and I'm sure her mom was the same way. Mom, grandma and great-grandma. Such noble titles, and each one carries more beauty and responsibility than the last, at least I think so.

About a week ago, my great-grandma passed away; Mirabel's great-great grandma, if you can believe it! She was going on 99 years old this coming January. People said she was always kind to everyone, she had a warm heart and positive attitude toward life. She had 15 children and lost one of them. Many years ago, my grandmother also lost a child. These women have come face to face with the worst kind of pain, and yet they lived on loving and giving...and, thankfully, my grandmother is still here to share her heart with Mirabel. I only hope that when I'm their age, I'm half as loving and giving no matter what kind of loss I've faced...even if it's the loss of one of my children.

Of course, I'm not thinking about that right now...but walking out of the hospital I saw a mother pushing her child in a stroller. It wasn't a baby who was crying after a long day, not even a toddler who would rather be walking alongside his mother, but a child who had every reason to cry and who probably wanted to walk alongside his mom... but couldn't. He had cancer. Let me tell you, in that moment that mom was the strongest woman in the world.